I've gotten in the bad habit of constantly considering the costs. Most days I have a hard time redirecting my focus away from the post-children me in contrast to the me of years ago. Children definitely came at a cost. They cost me my vanity, my pride, and my selfishness. In theory, I should celebrate this shedding, but there are days when I would like to have a few of those things back. To have uninterrupted moments, to fit in my clothes, and perhaps to get somewhere on time.
If I'm completely honest, it's the vanity that plagues me most often. Hence why you might have found me at the gym crying through the ab workout last Friday. I wish that was an exaggeration.
Unfortunately, good habits aren't formed overnight and the effects of bad habits take hard work to rectify. Yet the diligence, consistency, and attitude are up to me. To add to the weight of matters, I have tiny people constantly watching me. Watching how I talk about myself and others. Always watching what I do, for actions speak louder than words.
I talk about the exorbitant cost of eggs and babysitting and insurance. Want to be my friend yet? I find myself thinking about the money I could have had if I wasn't staying home with my kids, not to mention the accolades. I could have been fairly good at my job by now and instead I find myself navigating the new waters parenthood brings daily. I've found it best to bite my tongue whenever I sense I've finally reached the top of things, for tomorrow could always bring rock bottom. My kids keep me on my toes and I never really know what I am doing.
But, while all of those things are true, they are only taking into consideration the costs.
My children are one of my life's greatest gains. They are worth every stretch mark as much as I loathe them and they are even worth all those extra pounds I now have to lose. In fact, I would do it all over again a million times over to get the babies I have. They fill my life with purpose, one thankless day at a time. I am their favorite person. I am the one they want to impress and the one with whom they share their greatest fear and their happiest joy. I can't imagine my life without them.
When I shift my perspective and start enjoying the quality of healthcare I receive and the fact that the Lord has blessed me with the money for a dozen eggs, my outlook on life takes a dramatic turn. I gain a renewed fervor for my stay at home position. I challenge myself to keep a cleaner home and make more food because it adds quality to our life and to our family. I start really seeing my kids and remembering instead all of the reasons they make my life so great. They may frequently put a damper on my vacations, but they make every day an adventure. They open my eyes to see the Lord in new ways and they truly make me a better me.
Most wouldn't assume that a more tired, more forgetful, chubbier version of oneself could ever be the better version, but I would have to beg to differ. They teach me hard work, and perseverance, and discipline, and humility, and the daily need of a Savior to lean on. They have made a servant out of me and taught me so much of what it is to love. They help me to see the world as magical, to always be up for making a friend, and teach me the importance of laughing often. I'm not saying I always take the advice or learn from the lessons, but they are there when I want to see them.
I wonder how much my life would change if I started focusing on the gains rather than the costs. How would my faith walk be impacted? With that mentality, I would focus my eyes on the eternal gain of Jesus and pick up my cross to follow Him. Who knew parenthood could reflect such lessons. I bet Jesus knew.
“But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.”
The truth is, when it comes to Jesus, all of life's gains pale in comparison to the gain of knowing Him. When we spend time in the Bible, Philippians 3 tells us about a man by the name of Paul who came to find that all of his accomplishments and credibility were counted as a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus his Lord. Paul was a very accomplished individual with quite an impressive rap sheet for his time. Yet, he came to find that they didn't satisfy him, couldn't make him righteous, and ultimately could not save him. This is not a "life is meaningless" post, far from it. Go after that promotion, take the parenting class, and run the marathon, I'll be cheering you from the sidelines! But, know this, your worth and value are not in your accomplishments or your lack of them, I've experienced both, and like Paul, I've come to find that Jesus is what my soul longs for. The good news is that Jesus is available to you today, a free gift. He wants to satisfy you, cover you with His righteousness, and save your very soul. So whether you are living with lots of gains in your pocket or drowning in the costs of life, come and be satisfied by the only One who can satisfy. And if you are not familiar with what it means to know Jesus, message me because it's my most favorite conversation topics.
When I start dwelling on the gain I have in Christ, I start recognizing more easily the gains I have in life. I see how sad I would be to miss out on this opportunity to stay at home with my babies. They really are amusing and wonderful. So I will choose to praise the Lord for making me a better me, one diaper change at a time. To take the time to really love on my kids and soak up the joy they so freely offer, and to spend another day crying through that HIIT cardio because in the end, I am gaining so much more than it costs me.
Go and be blessed today and consider the fact that you have available to you, the greatest gain in the history of time. Spend some time reading through Philippians 3:1-11 and see what the Lord has to say to you.
