10 Years, 3 Kids, and a Bus Ride That Started It All
A Christian Marriage Story That Started on a School Bus:
The year was 2009. Skinny Jeans, T swizzle, flip phones, and a bus filled with high school freshmen on their way to a summer camp school retreat. It’s much more romantic to call it love at first sight, but the new kids are always noticed in small, private schools. Adult eyes give an entirely new perspective, but when you are 14, fear can look like confidence. Shyness could be construed as the makings of a cool kid, or at least I think so, never having possessed the quality myself. I am a lot of things, but I’ve never been cool. I can actually hear my mom as I write this, “I think you're cool!” Thanks mom, if only the cool kids could hear you say that.
14 is awkward. I don’t think there is any other way around that fact, yet it can also be rather sweet.
I remember seeing him sitting there, very aware of his presence though likely pretending indifference as was everyone else in the bus. It’s what you do when you’re a freshman, you conceal your interest with masterful skill and just about the subtlety of a gun. The air was filled with chatter and excited energy. The boys naturally gravitated towards the back, girls in the middle, and adults in the front. Adults and that one new boy. Luckily for me, I didn’t have to keep my eyes off him, such was the natural direction of one's eyes when facing forward on a bus.
But then the unexpected happened as my bus mate wandered to the back and left a vacant window seat beside me. “Hey, can my friend sit next to you?” and there it was, our perfect meet cute.
I talked, he listened, making very sparing use of his vocabulary. Having more than enough words for the both of us, I don’t remember being offended. It still works for us, some 14 years later. I followed him around like a puppy dog for the reminder of that week. Suddenly becoming a fan of basketball and souvenir handkerchiefs, I made sure this new boy and I had a few things in common. I guess it worked.
Being “far more mature than my age”, I think it was his character that really drew me to him that first day I saw him. I’m not sure making note of his appearance ever really occurred to me. That would just be superficial. I suppose it's all chance that his eyes look so good on my babies;)
But, that was only the meet cute and those two tiny tots have a lot of life to live ahead of them and little did they recognize they would be taking it on hand in hand. The steady to her chaos and the drive to his chill.
Fast-forward. The year is 2014, and those two are 19 now. Think college days and add an engagement ring. Eyes on the prize, our wedding day would also be the day of our first kiss. Preparing for life as husband and wife, I was fairly confident that there was such a thing as acing premarital counseling. Our days were spent in study rooms, college basketball games, & Phoenix sunshine. Our eyes were bright and our skin tanned or at least as tan as his Canadian blood would allow. We said things like, “No, I don’t really think I have many expectations for marriage.” and “I don’t know? Let’s have 6 kids!” Afterall, we really were the best of friends and after spending the past four years side by side, what more could there be to learn?
That brings us to today, the year is 2024, and we are 29. We have two tiny girls that bring all the bright eyes and tanned skin to our current days. They really are amazing. We’ve also lost two babies, one of which we know was a girl. Apparently we make girls as there's another girl growing inside me now. She brings new life to our family with her tiny kicks and ginormous presence. You say things like, “Don’t dent my baby” when I underestimate my current girth and “Come take a look at the budget I’ve been working on.” I never do seem to muster the amount of enthusiasm you think the last comment should generate.
We live in a house we love and have spent years making it our home. Something we do together. Our days are spent surrounded by the little tiny people of all our family and friends, doing household chores, going on family trips, & making our way over to the yogurt mill. We now find minivans sexy & make living trust appointments. I no longer feel like we are kids playing grown-ups. Though “we” whip and nay-nay less & don’t make poor man’s mojos (our homemade version of acai bowls), spaghetti is still a frequent part of our weekly rotation. Acing premarital counseling seems a bit more daunting these days and I’m afraid we might not receive the parenting awards we had originally expected. Speaking of expectations, it turns out I may have a few afterall and I want to seriously reconsider the 6 kid plan. Perhaps, ten years of marriage has more to do with the God we serve knowing we could make a great team & less to do with our perfect compatibility? It is true though, when we root for one another, we make a pretty great team.
Stephen Wray, I would marry you young all over again. While a decade as your wife has not been as easy as I had originally thought it would be, it has been rich with life, both good and bad. I’m thankful for the life we have created. We have grown and changed in so many ways and I have no doubt that will continue for many years to come. The truth is, I liked you as a boy and I still like you as a man. Yours is the hand I want in mine, facing whatever life throws at us. You are my person. There is no one I would rather discuss minivan prices with. Happy 10 years Wray Boy, cheers to our 30s and the next decade of doing life hand-in-hand!
