How to Support a Grieving Friend
How to Walk With a Friend Through Grief:
Practical Acts of Support-
Walking through difficult seasons with a friend is one of the most challenging parts of life. But the bonds created when a group of friends or family surrounds each other in those seasons are something truly special. I’ve been amazed at how the church becomes the hands and feet of Christ, offering support to my family during times of need.
If you're like me, though, deciding how to support someone can be paralyzing. I tend to overthink, second-guess every option, and end up doing nothing at all. Unfortunately, that indecision has led to missed opportunities. Serving, supporting, and loving others doesn’t always come easily, but it’s always worth the effort.
When a friend is suffering, it’s hard to know what to say or do. You don’t want to make things worse, and you might fear that anything you offer won’t be enough. Chances are, they’re unsure of what they need, too. So do your best to serve them in a way that feels right to you, and let them know they are seen—without expecting a text back or acknowledgment in return. What I’ve learned is this: even the smallest act of kindness—simply showing up—makes all the difference.
To help myself grow in this area, I started paying attention to the ways I’ve seen my community show up for others. Some people are naturally gifted in these moments, and I’ve learned a lot from them. That’s why I’ve created this simple template, as a place to start if you’re feeling a little lost about how to care for your friend.
This is not a rigid "do's" and "don’t's" list. Grief looks different for everyone, and what works for one person may not work for another. My advice is simple: give your friend grace. Grief, stress, and exhaustion can make people act in ways they don’t mean. It’s hard to be on the front lines of someone else’s pain, but it’s an honor. Show up, be patient, and don’t beat yourself up if you don’t always have the right words or actions. Sometimes, simply being present is enough.
We all have three primary resources—time, money, and energy—and it’s rare that we have all three available at the same time. Don’t let that stop you from offering support. If you can’t give in one area, you might have a lot to offer in another. Each of us has different strengths, so choose the support methods that align with your skills and resources. I’m not saying you shouldn’t try something outside your comfort zone, but grieving friends need to feel seen, and showing up in ways that are doable for you is key. Life is busy, and grief often strikes unexpectedly. Instead of overcommitting or waiting until you feel you can do something perfect, find support options that work within your capacity.
Finally, I’m no expert—just someone who has learned from the incredible people who have supported me. This list is a reflection of that, and I hope it helps guide you as you love and support those walking through difficult seasons.
Meals: A Lifesaver, Big or Small
Gifting meals is always a great go-to as it can be hard to think about something as mundane as cooking when you're sad or overwhelmed.
Homemade Meals: Cook something they can easily reheat.
Takeout, Meal Delivery, or Gift Cards: Perfect when you're short on time or live far apart.
Frozen or Easy-to-Prepare Meals: Drop off a casserole or take-and-bake pizza and a bagged salad for a simple, yet delicious meal.
Fast Food: Even dropping off something as simple as In-N-Out can be helpful.
Snacks: Little Gestures, Big Impact
Can you tell I’m a foodie? When someone brings you food, it’s more than just sustenance—it’s a hug in the form of a snack.
Favorite Treats: Drop off their favorite snack—cookies, chips, frozen yogurt, even carrot sticks (if such a friend exists).
Quick Breakfast Items: Muffins, granola bars, or an egg dish. Homemade waffles are also a great thing to freeze and toast the next day for easy mornings.
Coffee and Tea: A beverage run or a Venmo for their favorite drink shows your thinking of them.
Homemade Comfort and Nourishing Snack Boards: If you love baking, consider dropping off a cake, pie, or fresh bread. Ready snacks like washed and cut fruits and veggies, crackers, cheese, nuts, meats (etc) can also be very helpful.
Time: Just Showing Up Means the World
Sometimes, your time is the most valuable thing you can offer. When I miscarried Lucy, I had a group of close family members and friends who dropped everything to sit with me all day. It was raw and emotional, but also ended up being an oddly sweet day despite the circumstances.
Time Together: Just be there—whether that’s chatting, sitting in silence, or laughing through the tears. Sometimes this can even look like showing up and sitting together in the hospital waiting room.The presence of your people makes all the difference during a difficult time.
Service-Oriented Time: Offer to babysit, run errands, carpool, or help with day-to-day tasks.
Attending Significant Events: Show up for funerals or memorials to support your friend, even if you weren’t close to the person who passed.
Steady Support Without Fixing: Be present without the need to fix or offer advice.
Sometimes your friend won’t need words, and that's ok. Allow them to cry or be angry without feeling the need to fix it. When the time is right, gently offer words of encouragement from God’s Word. These reminders aren’t cliché—they’re powerful. However, timing is crucial, so pray for guidance in knowing when to speak and when to simply be present. Remember—grief is a process, and your friend may not always be ready to hear Truths. When in doubt, praying instead of speaking is an excellent practice. Your presence and prayers, not your solutions, will show them they’re not alone and give them the support they need.
Acts of Service: Get Creative, Big or Small
Acts of service can be deeply humbling to receive, but they’re incredibly helpful. Sometimes, the simplest tasks mean the most. Just remember, if your friend doesn’t take you up on your offer, don’t be offended—it can be hard for them to accept help, especially when it involves letting someone into their personal space and mess.
Everyday Chores: Mow the lawn, fold laundry, do dishes, or tidy up.
Practical Help: Drop off a bag of groceries, Refill water, open the blinds, show up for a walk around the neighborhood to get them out of the house, or make PBJs for the kids’ lunches.
Support During Big Events: Help with moving, cleaning out a space, packing up a room, or organizing after a loss.
PSA for all the caretakers out there: You have a hard and often thankless job, but it is such a beautiful picture of Christ’s love. Remember to take moments to care for yourself as well—and spend some time with Jesus. After all, nobody can pour from an empty cup.
Prayer: The Deepest Form of Support
This one is HUGE! Prayer can feel insignificant compared to physical gestures, but it’s the most profound way you can support someone. I cannot tell you how many times I have felt the power of prayer surrounding me and seen the miracles it can bring about. My husband and I started praying together more intentionally, and the fruit we’ve seen from it is incredible. Your friends may not even know you are praying, but they will feel the impact of it.
Pray Specifically: Let your friend know you’re praying and actually pray. If you’re unsure of their needs, pray for what you feel might help.
Pray with Others:When someone in our family is facing a challenge, we gather together, lay hands on them, and pray—whether it's for a major health issue or a new life venture. It can feel awkward at first, but laying hands while praying is a way to physically connect and ask God to bring healing, blessing, or guidance, showing His power in a personal and visible way. Spending time in prayer as a community is one of the deepest ways to connect. It’s truly special to watch how the Lord moves in these tender moments. I’ve been on the receiving end of this kind of prayer, and it's humbling and endearing to hear others seek God on your behalf.
Pray for Their Community: Pray for the right people to surround your friend—those who will uplift and support them. A strong community is a vital source of peace and strength during tough times.
Gifts: Thoughtful Tokens of Care
Gifts don’t need to be extravagant to have a big impact. Here are just a few ideas for inspiration:
Care Packages: Consider adding-
Beverages (tea, coffee, hot chocolate, wine, soda, beer…you get the idea lol)
Baked goods or mixes
Books (sometimes fun to pair a devotion and an easy fiction read)
Self-care items (lotion, candles, journals, pens, bath bombs, socks)
Entertainment (games, puzzles, movies)
Comfort foods or healthy snacks
A blanket, mug, dish towels.
Potted flower (some people like this because they don’t die)
A toy or stuffed animal for children (if applicable)
I’ve put together many care packages using a template from a card I received from a friend. Though it’s designed for miscarriage, it’s versatile enough to adapt for other situations. You can see the template in the image below.
TIP: Keep a container of items on hand to make assembling a care package easy when the time comes.
Flowers
Sentimental Gifts: Could be jewelry or a charm with a loved one’s name or initials
Grief-Specific Support: For those grieving the loss of a child or stillbirth, ministries like Saylor’s Story offer thoughtfully curated support baskets, with the child’s name included in the memorabilia. This ministry is impactful and always welcomes donations to continue its work.
Remembering Special Dates
Special dates can be painful for those who are grieving. Acknowledging them shows your friend they’re not forgotten.
Send Flowers or a Text: A thoughtful text or bouquet on a birthday, anniversary, or anniversary of a loss shows your friend they’re in your thoughts.
Encouraging Notes: Could be a handwritten letter or a comment on social media
Venmo: Send $5 with a note like, "Thinking of you today—grab a treat on me."
Remember: Every Gesture Matters
Grief is personal, and what helps one person may not help another. The key is showing up in whatever way you can.
Final Thoughts
The key takeaway here is that help doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Whether you have a lot of time, energy, and money—or even a small amount of one of them—showing up with what you have will be remembered and appreciated. Grief is heavy, and it's often unpredictable, but having someone there, no matter how big or small the gesture, can make all the difference.
Now go, love like Jesus and support the heck out of your friends!
If you found these tips helpful, share this post with someone who might need it!
